In the last couple of weeks I have been talking with a guy. We don’t really know each other and we are exchanging some messages. It feels like a super relaxed, friendly and honest conversation.
We agreed to go out for a drink and this is happening in two weeks. In the spirit of the shared serenity and of practising being in my sovereignty I proclaimed that ‘I have no expectations’. Then, we talked about this and both agreed that it is actually impossible to not have expectations.
In the truth of my heart if I did have expectations on this, they would be skewed towards the negative (which is obviously a form of expectation!).
However, our mind runs on their own sometimes. And the conversation is starting to really resonates with me.
Expectations are thoughts and I have experienced that thoughts and feelings are not real. They are not a true reflection of reality. They just reflect our perception and interpretation of reality.
My intention is really and firmly to show up with the least expectations possible, even just to experience how this feels like since it’s a whole new thing in the my world of relating to men.
So, in the last couple of days I’ve been engaging in this mental ping-pong: thought arises, oh this is maybe just a thought. I don’t know that. Fantasy idea knocks on the door of my mind, uhhhh it feels so good. Wait a moment, you are not real, go away! New idea about the future comes up, oh this is even better than the previous one. I must see that it’s fabricated by my mind.
I’m practising shielding off from my consciousness the expectations that arise like a knight of King Arthur’s round table in search of the Holy Grail who could only achieve his goal with a pure mind.
Thoughts might not be real but this ping-pong is very much so. It’s the only way I’ve come about to do this at the moment. It’s a truly moment by moment exercise. Like a meditation in action.
Something else I’ve noticed helps and it’s to go back to my heart. The heart has the ability to suspend judgement and just be. To be in the silent presence of the moment is easier in the heart. That’s why we have a heart.
Photo credit: https://www.rabbies.com.